Can mothers love their fat daughters?

Last night, I fought with my mom…again.

I was telling her about this survey that I read on Shapely Prose. I told her about the four factors of health: little to no alcohol, no smoking, exercise and eating fruits and vegetables that can lead to a longer life regardless of weight. On the surface, she agreed with the article, which was cool. But does she take note of the fact that I’ve got three out of the four healthy factors down pat?

No, she focuses on the one that needs more work and harps on it. I kinda lost it and went off and she got mad and hung up on me.

In trying to figure out how I felt about the whole thing and looking for the underlying issues that caused me to react the way I did, I came to a very important realization.

My mother can never accept me as the beautiful, healthy, active, happy fat woman that I am until she stops hating herself.

And I will never feel like I measure up in her eyes until she sees me for what I am, instead of what I’m not.

Now, I just have to figure out a non-accusatory way of explaining this to her. *sigh*

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2 Comments

Filed under fat, Health, Self Image, Size Acceptance

2 responses to “Can mothers love their fat daughters?

  1. zombie z

    My mother has been dieting my entire life and had WLS in 2006. She hasn’t lost as much weight as she’d like, but I always thought she was beautiful.

    However…we are nearly identical (put a picture of us each at 12 years old next to each other, and you’d think it’s the same person). I am average/thin, while she is 200+ lbs (not sure on the exact number for obvious reasons). I feel like if I ever gained weight — which is likely, based on family genetics — I would no longer be beautiful or even worthwhile to her, just like she isn’t to herself.

    This never occurred to me until just now, but perhaps that was a factor in my eating disorder.

  2. femmeknitzi

    I think a lot of our own self image is linked to our mothers’ and we see our own genetic predisposition as being exactly proportionate to theirs and that’s just not always true.

    I also never saw my mother as anything but beautiful but I don’t think she’s ever seen that.

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